A Wonderful Life

Today, I'm reminded of how important margin is (thank you for years of teaching on this, Pastor Rob Jacobson). The time to rest, reflect, create, be restored, prepare for what's next, do nothing. To dream, listen, not be driven by to-do lists and tasks that will literally take up all of your time if you let it. Time to ask God, "what do you have for me here, right now?" One of the gifts God gives me is these reminders to share with other people, when I also need to hear it. This week has had a theme already and it's only Wednesday. The theme? Live with margin and joy. Have some fun, enjoy the things you enjoy, learn to love who God made you to be, relax. Be a friend to yourself. Stop being so harsh with yourself, you don't treat anyone else like that! Cut yourself some slack. You are doing an amazing job and you handle a lot, a lot of the time. It's okay to take breaks.  It's necessary, good and important to take breaks! You will be a better, h...

Written August 12, 2018. This probably doesn't sound very "Christian" of me, but for a long time, I couldn't stand "Missionary Sunday" at church. You know, the one where a missionary tells of the amazing things they have seen God do and how God sent them to do such and such and then the church prays for them? Yeah, those. I think I might have even hated them for a season, and would leave the service to avoid the pain it stirred deep within me. In my early twenties, I thought I was called to be a missionary (in the traditional sense of the word) to college students, along with my husband. We went through six weeks of training, worked hard on fund-raising for over a year, had countless late nights shuttling to various meetings and casting the vision we had received from the Lord. Throughout that season, we continued to offer the calling to vocational ministry back to the Lord, seeking affirmation or redirection. For the entire year, when we would ask, ...

Originally posted  here . It’s been a long season of quiet sadness for me over the last seven months. A really long season. I have struggled with depression in a way that I never had before (read more  here , if you’d like) and am just now beginning to emerge, by the grace of God. And I am so relieved. Over the past two years, God has sent me bald eagles for encouragement and as a reminder that he is with me in whatever I am facing, celebrating, grieving, or otherwise going through. Sometimes I see them frequently (usually when things are more challenging) and sometimes it’s less frequent, but it’s definitely been “our thing” and it speaks to my heart so intimately. I was having a particularly difficult Sunday morning trying to get to church early with a 3½-year-old in tow in order to practice with the band, singing my second duet at our new church. I slipped and almost fell on my daughter on the ice, and barely caught us against the cold car door. Then I realized the scr...

 This post was originally published  here . “Please wait,” I find myself saying regularly to my children these days. Whether they are both requesting something at the same time or talking to me while I’m in the middle of something else, I have this response at the ready. Sometimes I’m able to answer with patience and gentleness in my voice (semi Mary Poppins sing-song, even) and other times, not so much. Thankfully, when we are in periods of waiting and longing and find ourselves crying out to God with requests of our own, he never runs out of patience, kindness, gentleness, and grace as he answers, “Please wait.” Sometimes my kids are in the other room and call for a snack, while I’m literally plating their dinner. I answer, “Please wait; it’s almost time for dinner,” but they have a hard time understanding how long that really means before they can eat something. I know that what I’m getting ready for them is much better than a snack and will satisfy much longer. I know it c...

Today at church our pastor Rob talked about making room for Jesus in our lives. The Spirit really moved me through the words God spoke through Rob and God's word. Rob even used the illustration of our son running laps around the chairs in church, with me chasing after him, and how Zachy paused every so often with his hand up and extended towards me with a "come on, mama." There were tears for many, including me. The Holy Spirit began preparing a response I felt prompted to share in front of the whole church, unrehearsed, raw, ripe with tears and a shaky voice. Here's what He's teaching me and I shared (paraphrased, but hopefully still true to the first raw response I shared just an hour or so ago). Ever since becoming Zachy's mama, I've been learning to "make room" for him and who he is. I've struggled with my own pride and expectations, fears and definitions of belonging. I've learned a lot and still have more to learn, but so far, w...

I wrote this in my journal a while back, after a challenging time with my little guy. I continue to learn and see that grief is rarely definable nor the same from one experience of it to the next. This is what grief looked and felt like that day, in that moment. Grief Surprising, unexpected  overwhelming waves big things, small things hard and important things. Skills gained and not yet gained and  w onder if they ever will be gained. Big wins, big losses hard conversations. Exhausted coach and referee. Daily life. Wonder if I'm doing enough when I see him struggle or others struggle with him. Broken heart at lost dreams. Repaired heart with new ones. And hope. And pride. And love. And.

Even though I started this journey of hunting for #ValentinesFromAbove during Lent two years ago, I still find it the most impactful, enriching and encouraging way for me to observe Lent. I already relate to the sacrifice of Christ more in this season of parenting two littles and working outside the home full-time, as well as being the only parent in our home with paid time off to cover all of the sick days, school early releases and days off from school. A lot sits on my shoulders, and that's okay, but I don't need to add to that unnecessarily.  What I need every year during Lent is a reconnection to God's amazing, beautiful, personal love for me; which is what fueled Christ to sacrifice Himself in our place on the cross to pay for our sins, in the first place. I need to be reminded of how well God knows me, loves me and wants to show me that He's with me all the time. I need to be shown the beauty of His creation and presence and perfect timing and plans and lookin...