A Wonderful Life

 This post was originally published  here . “Please wait,” I find myself saying regularly to my children these days. Whether they are both requesting something at the same time or talking to me while I’m in the middle of something else, I have this response at the ready. Sometimes I’m able to answer with patience and gentleness in my voice (semi Mary Poppins sing-song, even) and other times, not so much. Thankfully, when we are in periods of waiting and longing and find ourselves crying out to God with requests of our own, he never runs out of patience, kindness, gentleness, and grace as he answers, “Please wait.” Sometimes my kids are in the other room and call for a snack, while I’m literally plating their dinner. I answer, “Please wait; it’s almost time for dinner,” but they have a hard time understanding how long that really means before they can eat something. I know that what I’m getting ready for them is much better than a snack and will satisfy much longer. I know it contains m

Today at church our pastor Rob talked about making room for Jesus in our lives. The Spirit really moved me through the words God spoke through Rob and God's word. Rob even used the illustration of our son running laps around the chairs in church, with me chasing after him, and how Zachy paused every so often with his hand up and extended towards me with a "come on, mama." There were tears for many, including me. The Holy Spirit began preparing a response I felt prompted to share in front of the whole church, unrehearsed, raw, ripe with tears and a shaky voice. Here's what He's teaching me and I shared (paraphrased, but hopefully still true to the first raw response I shared just an hour or so ago). Ever since becoming Zachy's mama, I've been learning to "make room" for him and who he is. I've struggled with my own pride and expectations, fears and definitions of belonging. I've learned a lot and still have more to learn, but so far, w

I wrote this in my journal a while back, after a challenging time with my little guy. I continue to learn and see that grief is rarely definable nor the same from one experience of it to the next. This is what grief looked and felt like that day, in that moment. Grief Surprising, unexpected  overwhelming waves big things, small things hard and important things. Skills gained and not yet gained and  w onder if they ever will be gained. Big wins, big losses hard conversations. Exhausted coach and referee. Daily life. Wonder if I'm doing enough when I see him struggle or others struggle with him. Broken heart at lost dreams. Repaired heart with new ones. And hope. And pride. And love. And.

Even though I started this journey of hunting for #ValentinesFromAbove during Lent two years ago, I still find it the most impactful, enriching and encouraging way for me to observe Lent. I already relate to the sacrifice of Christ more in this season of parenting two littles and working outside the home full-time, as well as being the only parent in our home with paid time off to cover all of the sick days, school early releases and days off from school. A lot sits on my shoulders, and that's okay, but I don't need to add to that unnecessarily.  What I need every year during Lent is a reconnection to God's amazing, beautiful, personal love for me; which is what fueled Christ to sacrifice Himself in our place on the cross to pay for our sins, in the first place. I need to be reminded of how well God knows me, loves me and wants to show me that He's with me all the time. I need to be shown the beauty of His creation and presence and perfect timing and plans and lookin