A Wonderful Life

This week off between jobs I have had a lot of time to read my Bible, pray, connect with friends and think about things that I haven't had time to think about lately. I have noticed this before, but it came to my mind again as I was praying while driving to run some errands (don't worry, I had my eyes open). What I kept noticing was that I was praying with the word "just" a lot, but not in any way that made sense (i.e. referring to being "guided by truth, reason, justice, and fairness" or God's "righteousness" as defined by dictionary.com), but rather I was using it as a qualifier of sorts ("exactly or precisely; only or merely" again by dictionary.com). When I say I was using it as a qualifier, I was saying things like, "Lord, would you just protect them" or "would you just be with them" type of stuff. The frustrating thing is I realized what I was saying in the middle and kept stopping and starting my prayers...

The last several months those who know me best have noticed that I haven't quite been myself lately. I contribute a majority of it to some challenging things going on in my work environment and feeling an unrest in myself because of it. My lack of time reading the Bible has been a part of it, too. I have struggled over the last several months to delight myself in the Lord, and be satisfied in Him alone (wanting for the circumstances to change when I said so) and have been... I don't know - out of whack, I guess. I have struggled with believing the best about people and not adding fuel to fires already burning. And I have cried out for God to deliver me (I realize this sounds dramatic, but this was honestly my prayer, "save me a spot where you'd have me to be and deliver me out of this place"). I have found prayer to be an ongoing and increasing part of my everyday life as I used to know it to be. Going to God first with every little (or huge) thing and telling...

1 Peter 3:4 Says, "You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." As Louie and I dream of our future together, being parents some day, and all of the unknown adventures God may have for us, I wonder how beautiful my attitude and heart are before my God. Having such a... how do I put this nicely?... bold and "intense" personality at my most passionate moments, I have always been known by friends and those around me to have the kahunas to say what needs to be said when no one else will. I guess I've kind of always thought that if something needs to be straightened out, I'd rather get it out there and hash it out than leave it sit unsettled. Most of the times I do this cautiously and thinking before I say what I'm thinking, but not always. I sometimes find myself apologizing for being too honest or picking the wrong time to address things that need to be addresse...

As the school year is up and running and staff and students are finding their grooves, we continue to wait on the Lord. We have found the last year of raising support to be the source of a lot of growth for us. God has been teaching us so much and helping us to understand that He is in control, which means we don’t have to be. And we can’t be. That has been a very challenging lesson to learn. That being said, we would like to let you know where we are at in raising support and what our situation is at the time. We are currently in a place of great difficulty in making consistent progress on a weekly and monthly basis. Due to the economy, among other factors, we are not raising support at a level with which is projecting a reasonable finish date. Our support coach has helped us to look at our progress objectively, and in the last several months, despite hundreds of phone calls every month, we are having a hard time connecting with people. Taking all of that into con...

An excerpt from my journal dated June 14... Lord, what makes me beautiful? is it my eyes or smile? what about my pretty blond hair? is it my polished nails or curves? is it how my jeans fit or how i look in a swimsuit? is it how stylish i am or my jewelry? is it what i like to do in my free time or how clean my home is? what about "doing my job"? does that make me beautiful? what about when other people tell me so - does that make it true? you've given me beauty that far surpasses all these things. i just wish i always saw what you see when i look in the mirror or can't fit into my old jeans anymore. i want so desperately to identify with how beautiful i am because i was made by you - the Creator of this universe. Being beautiful can be expressed through some of the things the world claims, but i know the most beautiful people are beautiful because they radiate You. Please help me grow in my awareness of your presence and cling to my identity and beauty found i...

.... And most of it is small stuff. Lately I've been thinking about how much other people have the potential to either make you smile or get under your skin. I've recently encountered several situations in which I had been struggling to not let other people completely ruin my experience with something or my attitude about things. Through a lot of processing, I realized that I was trying to micro-manage and control other people's responses, thoughts, actions and words in my own strange way. I was giving them the power to dictate whether or not I enjoy myself and enjoy life. How strange of me! Then I realized that a lot of people tend to do that (although usually subconsciously) and end up being so frustrated by everyone else's junk or bad attitudes that they themselves become junk-carrying crabby people. So I figured, hey, I have enough stuff to carry around on my own. Why on earth would I try to also figure out your issues? (unless of course you ask for help) Plus, ...

Why is it that when you see and feel transition on the horizon, it often feels like it will never arrive. You wait and pray in anticipation for much needed (or hesitated) change in your life. It looks like everything's ready to go, except you. Then you start planning and banking on transition. And it's weeks or months away. Even when you know it's happening soon, it feels like forever. So you wait. And go about life as normally as possible without going into "I need this transition" tunnel vision. You don't want to miss what's going on in "the now" but at the same time you can't wait for "then." Then you're down to your last week before transition, whether graduations, weddings, baby showers (for other people!), job change, vacation or whatever. You can't seem to get enough done to wrap up what you're leaving and transitioning from. And get ready to finally make the change. And prepare for "then...