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Musings During Quarantine

Pieces of this have been going around in my mind and my heart during the last month or so. I believe the Lord is trying to use this time to get my attention, while everything slows down, and I’m guessing God may be doing the same in you too. Yet, I'm struggling to not fill the quiet with more distractions of my own, even though many of the external ones have quieted. Are you?

God has prompting me to wonder a lot of things. What if this time is an opportunity for us, individually and as a culture, to redefine a few words, like…
  • Productivity: What if productivity doesn’t mean accomplishing our entire to-do lists, but rather, leaving things undone to have meaningful, quality time with our people, God or ourselves? Who’s keeping track of our home stuff right now besides having food, water and clean-ish clothes and dishes anyway? 
  • Success: What if being successful means I model for my loved ones (and littles) listening to my body, heart and needs and expressing myself in loving ways to my people, including asking for what I need? Maybe this will help my people feel safe to do the same with me?
    • Doing this well means taking care of ourselves (needs, faith, wants, food, exercise, breaks), our families and our homes.
    • Yes we are more mindful, but that doesn’t need to equate to fear or anxiety. We can only control what we can control and take the precautions we know to take.
    • Lowering our expectations of what this “should” look like. Any answer other than trying to remain as peaceful as we can and holding space for ourselves and each other in our homes is not worth listening to.
    • Being intentional to have meaningful connections with those we love outside our homes in new (or new again) ways (FaceTime, Skype, Google Meets, Marco Polo, sending written notes and cards through snail mail, making sure to look people in the eye - across the street - say hi and smile)
  • We are all doing the best we can in extremely stressful and unusually demanding circumstances, just being parents and partners in marriage alone.
  • Then you add all the normal responsibilities of feeding your crew, keeping the house in a livable state for the group, bathing the kids (and yourself), trying to find structure when you and your partner are the only one to put it in place, and all the other things and it’s bound to catch you not at your best some of the time. That’s normal. So is apologizing when we lose our cool, so our kids learn to do the same.
I know there’s still a lot I need to learn through all of this. Some of it is being quiet enough, long enough, to listen to myself instead of all the “noise” that I am tempted to. The noise is the easy out, and while I have definitely used it at times to distract myself from feeling all the feelings, talking through the hard spots as well as appreciating the good ones, I’m trying to practice moments of quiet. And being brave enough to ask my inner self (at many different ages and stages), the following questions.

“Is there anything you need to tell me, that you haven’t yet? 
Is there any pain or joy or anything else we haven’t yet brought into the light together before the Lord?
Is there healing or reassurance or a new perspective you need?
We can work through any of that together and God will help us.”

Lastly, I am reminding myself and you again, that you are not alone. You are loved by an intentional, faithful, kind, gentle, thoughtful, caring, healing, redeeming God. God calls you BELOVED and that is the most true thing about you - you are BELOVED by God. Amen.

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